Thursday

Jeremy Deal

Jeremy Loyd Deal
Waupun Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 351
Waupun, WI 53963

My name is Jeremy Loyd Deal; I am 26 years old born on September 29, 1983.1 am 5'10" and weigh 220 with wide shoulder and a stocky build. Both my parents are alive but my father denied me before I was born, and the last time I saw him he was driving away as I chased him on my bike at five years old. My mother was there but not. I didn't exist to her and was more there for something to take her anger on and blame all her problems on. Mostly because I look so much like my father whom she declared every time she got drunk-every night. Her schedule growing up for me was the same. Bar at night, pasted out in the morning and work in the afternoon. When she had time, she would spend it with my sister Brooke. Whom she loves dearly. I was merely there for money as she told me and would take me to the social services and have me freak out so they would pay her more. She got money for me because I am Bipolar and ADHD. Which they tried to treat but found it hard. Especially when my mother didn't like it if the drugs worked because she wouldn't get much money. So most of the time she would call me names insult and degrade, emasculate, and beat on. Especially when she came home drunk at night. Mostly though she would use broomsticks or well anything she could get her hands on to either hit me with or throw at me. My sister Brooke took to that quickly and started doing the same. Even when I was abused sexually by my aunt she ignored me and it continued until my aunt moved. Then my sister was raped in front of me when I was three by my uncle, Brooke my sister was five, and because I didn't do anything that also was my fault as was everything else that went wrong, broke whatever it was always my fault.

Nevertheless, when I was again raped by my babysitter Paula when I was seven my mother called me a liar again. Therefore, it continued and if I didn't perform to my babysitter's requirements she would beat me down with metal spatula and a wooden spoon until I could have sex with her multiple time a day. Which in the end she still beat me and said it was my fault but not as bad if I didn't keep to her standards. My mother in this case was forced to recognize it this time especially when the cops, social services, and the courts got involved. She denied she knew anything then beat me bad and said I'm trying to get her put in jail. In addition, I had to go to counseling for the next two years. But my mother said its for my sister, I'm male I cant be raped, that where going to counseling. All this though pales in comparison to the beatings her random boyfriends gave me. I was stomped kicked thrown around stomped down by feet, chairs, vacuums (specifically a steel Kirby-which I remember very vividly) whatever was available. Why to this day 1 don't know. When my mom moved every year because the schools started asking questions or it got so bad due to many trips to the E.R. mostly strangers taking me in or the school, I thought it was over but it just continued. New place, same, and sometimes worse treatment. A couple times it was so bad the police would visit and she would acted shocked and say it was all her boyfriend and she got rid of him then would give the police bogus information then beat me when they left and then we would have to move again. I've been to 15 different schools and been to the E.R. over 100 times. The worse was when I was sitting on my sisters bike my moms at the time boyfriend saw me called me a fagot for being on a girls bike and hit me in the face with a bat. I lost all my front teeth and my gums completely broke off my mouth. The doctors through surgery fixed my gums and based on I was only six my teeth all grew back. Thank God, or something. Anyways when 1 wanted food, I had to get it myself or starve. We lived next to a bakery and I would dig in there trash-I started this at about two. The first time I stole, 1 was four, Starving, my mother was passed out, and so I walked into the store a block away. I put a whole box of reeses Pieces on the counter, and when she turned her back I ducked with candy thinking I was slick, then she kidding said ow where did he go, then I jumped up and ran out the door with the reeses. I ran straight home into my mother's room, sat down next to her, and ate until I was sick. The earliest memory I have I was around one. The reason I remember it is that my mom's boyfriend at the time poured hot coffee all over my chest. There's a lot more but it hard to talk about or get into more detail.

By ten years old I was so anti-social I didn't even know anyone. Moreover, a new home every year didn't help at all. The library reading and watching movies was my escape. In addition, since I was getting bigger neither my mom nor her boyfriends could throw me around as much. So, they just continued with the emotional, mental, and psychological abuse. Say anything and everything to hurt me or to make me less secure with myself. I started isolating myself increasingly and still to this day have difficultly starting a conversation with anyone. That is how it went until I met a female at 15, who paid attention to me and showed me love. The problem was she lived in a different town. Where I lived a different town in the North woods, northwestern Wisconsin, is very far away. Moreover, my mother moved again so I stole cars to see her eventually caught and went to Juvenile hall. When I got out, I was good for a while getting straight A's in school mostly because the place they sent me was Youth Leadership Training Center, or boot camp. They said it would help me with my discipline problem. It did help me with my ADHD and bi-polar. It gave me focus. Well until I starting drinking and smoking weed to dull the loneliness. Then I met an amazing girl who got me to quit all that and got me focused on my schoolwork again. Then about a year later, still with that girl, my mother, and her husband were drunk and screaming really loud at one in the morning. So I started drinking and when that didn't work I left well gone I got the stupid idea to break into the school and spray fire extinguisher down the hall to get school canceled so I could spend the day with Katie. Dumb idea. For that I was arrested, they had a camera. I was given four years in prison for making the floors dusty and breaking a hundred dollar window. Small towns go way overboard. That happened when I was 17. At 21 I got out got three jobs out the gate and kept them until they found out I was a felon and fired me. So I got another job that would hire a felon and was doing good had money in the bank, my own apartment, and a car. Working up words of 15 hours a day or more if I could get it. I figured with no girlfriend and the fact I had four years to make up, and being completely on my own I didn't see a problem. That's when my cousin asked for help. I helped him. I took him up north, northern Wisconsin so I could get my other car I bought and had up there. An 82 Camero that I could work on to keep me out of trouble. On the way back I slept in the back he drove. He was pulled over on an empty highway going over a hundred by a cop sitting between the North/South bound lanes. He had a warrant for robbing every boss he ever worked for. Initially he tried to blame it all on me the guns too, saying he didn't know anything. That's when they found out all the victims were his ex-employers and the guns belonged to one of them. Therefore, he couldn't deny it anymore. So, he admitted to all of it but said I'm a felon and I made him do it and influenced him and all this other crap. In the end they scared me into a plea by saying because I'm a felon who's been in prison over a year will get a minimum of 15 year per gun. That would be 45 years then the state would run whatever they had consecutive. So I got scared and took the deal. They got me though they gave me ten in five out in Dane county but there was another county who waited till they were done and gave me the same charge and same time using the same evidence from the first as there own, all which I know now is illegal. They also used hearsay to the max too. There evidence the Pre-Sentence Investigator said that the detective said that my cousin said that I said. Yeah just like that. All now I know is completely set up. Also, for my appeal the public defender (public pretender) filed a no merit report. He did this to end it, so he could be paid. So here I sit after years of confinement in depression I finally feel like doing something or moving around enough to even write.

While in prison I've taken just about every program they have to offer. I even graduated from college in here for computer programming and bricklaying and masonry-which is a college diploma. I graduated with highest honors on the Deans list. Plenty time to study I guess.
It is difficult for me to say what I am looking for specifically because the way I grew up I get along with anyone, no matter what they think about themselves or what others say because the way I was brought up not very much bothers me. What I do know is that I am looking for someone who is open-minded (seeing that they would have to be in order to see me as the individual that I am and not as the crime I'm in for), someone understanding to deal with my faults, and someone who is compassionate (seeing that they would have to be in order to help me help myself become a better human being. I encourage all who want to respond and I will try my best to respond to all letters. Thank you for giving me the time.

2 comments:

  1. Unable to give you a heart. so have a reply to push up your post. ........................................

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  2. Wow, I can relate but, all I can say is Damn. I thought my life was sad but, youre story makes me feel like a spoiled brat. Im 16 and lately I've been feeling like shit cause of all the shit I've taken from my family ever since I was concieved. I've been pretty priveleged but I've wasted it all, in an academic failure, and I know I'm mentally retarded. I got anx., adhd, and some other undiagnosed shit. I've never been to jail, or even arrested but I can see myself goin that road.....S.O.S.

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