Julius Bonds :poems and reflections

Julius Bonds

julius Bonds today,67, on Stanley correctional inst,. 

052035
CCI; PO Box 900
Portage, WI 53901

earlier post

THE THOUGHTS OF A BROKEN MAN
BY JULIUS BONDS JR
It doesn't take much for a young black man to become a broken man , a statistic of the American so called Justice and penal system, a product of the environment.

This is my trip, my journey of how I became a lost man with a broken sprit. I do realize that people of all walks of life have also become commodities of our prisons, both men and women, not excluding our children. Their was once a time when America was truly a land of the free/ the home of the brave, and the beautiful.

Growing up in the small Southern Wisconsin City of Beloit, WI my dreams and aspirations took root. I wanted to become somebody even though their were obstacles I held on to those dreams. At the very tender age of four or five, I discovered that my environment was full of problems that I could neither figure out or do anything about. You see, my home was dysfunctional! we were poor and my dad was a womanizer, cheater, gambler and a drunk.

My sibblings and i no doubt suffered the same pain and hurt as our mother did, may she rest in peace. We were all abused mentally and sometimes physically. As the oldest, I remember more and so I think that my pain and hurt has been around longer, but as I've lived, I've come to understand that we were all affected the same regardless of the length of exposure.

School for me was a place where I could find solitude, some sense of meaning, a get away! some place where I didn't have to anticipate the next up roar, even though I could sort of day dream of a better life and of the life that I some day wanted for myself, i found that I couldn't escape the reality of my present situation. Often in school I was called upon to answer a question but couldn't because I would be day dreaming, living in a world of my own. Some days I couldn't even attend school because my mother had to take care of business that would sustain us, sometimes it was because we didn't have food to eat or clean cloth's to wear, often it was because my mother was trying to recover from the physical abuse and needed me to help watch the children.

I vowed that I would be different from my Dad, and that I would raise a good family. I participated in the neighborhood programs like the Boy's Club, YMCA.
I went out for all the popular sports and tried my hands at music which I still enjoy to this day, I thought that music would be my ticket to a better life and to this day i still have that dream. Being mischievous was very much a part of my young life too, I was curious and adventurous , sometimes indulging in things that I shouldn't of. I was attracted to the guys that I thought were cool! the one's that dressed nice and did what they wanted to do, traits that i acquired traits that my Dad had.

My first run in with the law was for riding double on a bike! i must of been Ten or Eleven at the time, I'm Fifty Four now and i have fifty years in Prison- I've been in for four years. I'm in for Burglary, 2 Cts. Battery, Robbery 2nd degree Sexual Assault, all stemming from one crime! this isn't who I am it's- the by product of a broken home and a broken society

Our society is full people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol, people that commit crimes out of need to support a habit or out of the need for just simple survival. It's for the need and greed of money that our system and it's people are foregoing it's principles and ' values. I became the Man that i vowed i wouldn't become when i was a little boy.

Prison isn't the answer! Sure i have to pay for what I've done, but I shouldn't have to pay with my life, I haven't killed anyone. I'm sorry for what iIve done and I'm trying to mend myself and make amends to those that I've harmed. That's the worst part, because i can't make amends to my mother for causing her all the pain and hurt that I caused her, the same pain and hurt that my father caused I can't make it up to my brother's and sisters that looked up to me to be their for them. I can't take back the harm and pain that I've caused my victims

What I can do though is continue trying to live the rest of my life as good as I can! always trying to be the best man that I can be. I need someone to listen to the rest of my story, someone to talk to that believes in the forgiving of prisoners. Americas prisons are broken! they've become warehouses of broken human sprits, and they're costing us more money than they make! parole should be brought back with an emphasis on rehabilitation, jobs and education.

Tommy Thompson messed Wisconsin up with this Truth in sentencing. Our nations prisons are the bulk of our annual budget! you can't beat crime trying to lock everyone up and throwing away the key. Let's mend and rebuild the broken, both victims and perpetrators. My crime as many others are fueled by the need of money, Alcohol, and Drugs! we need education and jobs! you address these issues and crime would decrease by half. Wisconsin use to be a leader in morale value's and standards- that's why so many people are drawn to our great state! the people our law makers! have compromised the character of our state in an effort to get tough on crime, following everyone else, but it hasn't worked and for the most part.Everyone else has abandoned this ideal and have started to address the very issues that i've mentioned. Where we use to be leaders. Now we're the worst! we use to be the model for all the rest. Thank god for prison advocates.

SPECIAL THANKS TO: (FFUP)
PS. I WELCOME COMMENTS AND WOULD LIKE TO CORRESPOND WITH A FEMALE.
Julius Bonds Jr. Age 55, Born 7/1/55

LIFE IS SO DEMANDING
I guess it's part of life, the struggle strive the fight
it's a battle from within, slip and fall back up again
all that's tough makes it right, you have to push and tug
stand up use all your might, though you feel like giving up

life is oh, oh so demanding, don't get left, keep on standing

Just like a merry go round, up and down round and round
really mean, tough as can be, rocky roads rough as the sea
it's thinking about this and that, to figure out where you at
come up with a master plan, tighten up do all you can

Know that life isn't a joke, it's how you playing your hand
play it straight or you fold, do what's right or lose control
just like a merry go round, up and down round and round
it's a hit and miss sometimes, just enough to blow your mind

Life is oh, oh so demanding, don't get left, keep on standing

Really mean, tough as can be, rocky roads rough as the sea
Don’t get discouraged, keep on trying, alright if you feel like crying
it's thinking about this and that, to figure out where you at making moves trying to fit in, looking back on where you're been

Life is oh, oh, so demanding, don't get left, keep on standing
So demanding, so demanding, so demanding
life is, oh so demanding.

MY PURPOSE
what's this all about
i'm still trying to figure out what's this all about
what's my purpose here

what's this all about
year and year and after year what's this all about
i sit here shedding tears

oh, i got a lot of life to live got a lot of love to give
i'm tired of spending time wasting all my years

sitting in this cell block waiting on my time to end loosing friends and family wondering if they'll set me free

don't know when i'll show again no one seems to care for me looking back on memories thinking what it use to be

tell me what's in-store for me tell me what the future brings is this what was meant to be tell me what is happening

[BRIDGE]
what's my purpose here
why spend all these years
lots of life to live
so much love to give [REPEAT]

i remember yesterday
how my mother use to say
son go out and play this is such a lovely day

what ever happened to those days why they have to go away how much longer will it take
before i leave this dreadful place

is this just a passing thing can you tell me what it mean let me wake up from this dream certainly there is more for me

my life's passing by
all why i sit and cry
trying to figure out this mess sleepless nights can't get no rest

will this torture ever end will i find my way again is this how it's gonna be or will they set me free

is this just a mystery what's with all the secrecy waiting for a sign of life
nothings making sense to me
[BRIDGE]

What's my purpose here
why spend all these years
lot's of life to live
so much love to give [REPEAT]